


Space Nudie Mags

by mememan



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: M/M, Multi, Space Crushes on Space Gladiators, Space Looting, Space Nudie Mags, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 14:11:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11315034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mememan/pseuds/mememan
Summary: Orange and Blue didn't come here for nudie mags, but they sure as hell ain't turning them down.





	Space Nudie Mags

**Author's Note:**

> rated mature for suggestive descriptions and nsfw jokes
> 
> i wouldn't count this as porn, so sorry if that's what you were hoping for

The store looked like it was in its starting stages of becoming a prime Spooky Abandoned Building. Nothing threatened to collapse on them--aside from the door--and the layer of dust on all the products and shelves was just beginning to edge on the unacceptable side. The complete silence and stillness of the place did far past its fair share of sending the creeps up Blue’s spine, though. Orange seemed unaffected, probably because he was the sort of guy most people would be afraid of finding at an abandoned site.

“Looks freshly abandoned,” Blue said as he drew a dick in the dirt on the window. “Wonder what happened...”

“Well, it’s not a chain store,” Orange replied. He took off his helmet and placed it by the register. “The owner probably couldn’t make a profit. Or died.” He added the last part with a glance over the counter to check for any corpses. Seeing nothing, he hopped over it and began fiddling with the register. 

“Go grab a basket and pick out some good stuff; places like these are great looting locations,” Orange said as he tried to jam a loose piece of metal he found on the shelves into the machine.

Blue did as told; he was surprised how similar things were to the stores back home. He had expected there to be carts and baskets that followed you around and little robot helpers that could reach the high shelves. The only noticeable differences were things being packed in airtight packaging and all the drinks being nothing but powder in bottles. Blue started his search from the entrance then meticulously went through the aisles in hopes of finding space snacks and powdered space sodas that probably wouldn’t kill him.

As Blue searched the store, Orange managed to jimmy the register open only to find it devoid of everything but dust. He cursed and slammed a fist down on the counter.

“Oh yeah! Left a lifetime supply of space crisps behind, but fucking forbid he forgets a bit of credits,” Orange grumbled. He walked around in search of something to make him feel like he didn’t just waste his time. The weapons cabinet he found looked hopeful at first (even if the weapons were of lower quality) but the darn thing couldn’t be budged unless Orange somehow did come across the corpse of the owner and it was fresh enough to get an eye and finger scan off of it. Orange whined in frustration, just about ready to join Blue in his meandering when he spotted the wall full of magazines. 

They had to be old issues, but not anywhere near old enough to actually be worth anything to a collector. Orange walked closer and noticed that over half of them were in languages that he couldn’t read. He was about to turn back and search for Blue when he spotted a section of the wall marked with a different color from the rest. He approached it and burst out in a laugh when he deciphered the meaning of the color shift.

“Holy shit!” Orange cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Blue! This placed stocked space nudie mags!”

There was a beat of silence before Blue’s distant reply came. “They what?”

“They have space nudie mags!” Orange said louder. “When you’re done scavenging come over here and pick yourself out a couple!”

Orange turned back to the wall; his eyes immediately fell upon the cover with a human male model being caressed by tentacles coming in off the screen. He grabbed it and put it off to the side to show Blue when he got there. 

He couldn’t recognize most of the text on the magazines--let alone read any of it--but they all made their content known through use of scantily clad models on the covers. Orange wasn’t interested in the majority of them; he just picked out a few of the human-centric ones and looked for a model which resembled Blue closest. Coming away fruitless from his search, Orange was glad Blue finally joined him in his smut hunt. 

Orange picked up the magazine he placed aside before and handed it to Blue. “Here, I think you’ll like this,” he said with a knowing smile. 

Blue took one glance at the cover photo before laughing. “Are you trying to suggest we spice things up in our bunks?”

“If that’s how you wanna interpret it...” Orange replied with a wink. He went back to scanning the covers of the nudies, now more focused on what would get Blue’s motor running rather than his own. His eyes stopped, however, on something boasting a special edition featuring photos and interviews with Corvax, the Space Gladiator. If that wasn’t enough, it was one of the few magazines in a language he could actually read... it had to be fate, right?

He picked it up, extra mindful of his claws. The cover was of the gladiator in a fairly neutral stance, standing straight and giving a slight smoulder to the camera. Though he never fought with a sword in the arena, he was holding one between his legs like a phallic symbol. The first photo within the pages mimicked the cover with the exception of the sword now being hung over his shoulder as he stared off seriously into the distance. Orange turned to a random page and nearly dropped the magazine as he saw a photo of a “wounded” Corvax; his clothes were in tatters and he was covered in blood, but what really got to Orange was the determined look in his eyes as his tongue ran across one of his blood-stained fingers. 

Orange bit his lip and kept flipping; the next image that caught his eye focused on the muscles of Corvax’s back--as well as his ass. Orange could stop from looking at how the leather of his gladiatorial outfit seemed to be hugging him so tight in the best possible way. He quickly flipped the page and his breath stopped in his throat as he was greeted by a shirtless Corvax with water running down his chest and shoulders. He was dabbing at his neck with a rag and gave the camera a smile that seemed genuinely happy.

“You know we can just take it, right?”

Orange nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden break in silence. “What?”

“I’m just saying that you don’t have to read the entire thing right now.” Blue laughed. “You can have all the time you want with those pics back on the ship.”

“Oh, uh, sorry?” Orange felt the need to apologize, the purple blush on his cheeks intensified. “I’m just... excited I found this! This gladiator is one of my faves! Such raw killing power~!” Orange sighed dreamily as he held the magazine against his chest.

“Alright, alright--no need to cream your space suit,” Blue said. 

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Orange asked. 

“No,” Blue replied, laughing at the absurdity of the question. “Why?” he asked in a light tone. “Should I be?”

“No! Never! You’ll always be my number one,” Orange said, his voice brimming with love. He reached to hold Blue’s hand in his. “Even if you are abysmal at hands-on killing.” 

Blue laughed. “Alright, that’s good to know. Let’s get out of this place with our loot before someone else shows up looking for a good time.” He dropped the magazines he picked out for himself into the basket before dragging it towards the exit.

\--

“So who’s that smurf on your smut rag again?” Blue asked casually as they loaded their supplies onto their ship.

“Corvax? The Space Gladiator? I have a poster of him on my bunk wall,” Orange replied. He had no idea what a smurf was, but it sounded derogatory.

“Oh right, wasn’t he crowned emperor of this galaxy a couple months ago?”

“Wait, that was him?!” 

“You didn’t know?”

“Corvax is the number one most popular name in five different galaxies! How the hell am I supposed to tell which one is which?”

“There were pictures of him everywhere...” Blue paused for a moment. “Maybe you just didn’t notice them because he was actually wearing clothes.”

Orange barked out laughing. “Yeah, probably.” He tried to think back to that time and remember the portraits but all that was coming to mind were many erratic, laser filled chase scenes.

A silence fell upon them as they stacked the supplies into their storage. Blue spent a moment clearly pondering something, and then turned to Orange. “If you want, we could go sneak in to visit him while disguised and get you an autograph on that nudie mag.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, you up for it?”

“Yes! I’m shocked though--”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s just that I thought you were into that high risk stuff,” Orange replied with a toothy smile.

“Well, yeah. I love not having to interact with the space feds, but, I gotta admit: Mr. Emperor Gladiator Man is pretty fucking hot.”

Orange beamed his sharp-toothed smile. “If you’d like, I can lend you a magazine.”

“Yeah... I’d like that,” Blue replied as he took the ship into a liftoff. Orange sat back in his seat and began to think of the nearest place where he could acquire Space Mustache Disguises for their big plan.


End file.
